You must understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger – James 1:19
Listening is a creative force. Something quite wonderful occurs when we are listened to fully. We expand, ideas come to life and grow, we remember who we are. Some speak of this force as a creative fountain within us that springs forth; others call it the inner spirit, intelligence, true self. Whatever this force is called, it shrivels up when we are not listened to and it thrives when we are. – Kay Lindahl, founder of The Listening Center
Dear Sisters and Brothers,
I have to continually work at being a better listener. I’ve made a lot of progress, but I’ve got a long way to go before I could ever say that I’m a truly good listener. As long as I have to work at it, I don’t think I’m really listening as well as I could/should.
Michyl-Shannon has helped and continues to help me as I try to improve my listening. She knows first-hand how frustrating it can be to have me interrupt, especially when she is sharing something very heartfelt. I ask that you would all join her in reminding me that I want to listen more and speak less.
The Book of Proverbs has a lot to say about the foolishness of not listening. Proverbs 18:2 says “A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions”, and 18:13 adds “He who answers before listening- that is his folly and his shame”, and 17:28 is even more bluntly to the point; “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.”
Kay Lindahl points out how damaging it is to others when they realize that we are not really listening to them. Not only have we robbed ourselves of their ideas and perspectives; we have robbed them of the sense of being valued and appreciated. When our in-attentiveness causes others to shrink back and not share fully, we rob the entire community of an important voice and all of the gifts and experiences that voice might have shared with us.
Currently, as a society, we are not doing a very good job of listening to one another. We are guilty of talking past one another, merely looking for our opportunity to wedge what we want to say into conversations. If we are simply looking for the opportunity to rebut or correct what the other person is saying, we are not truly listening; we are not allowing ourselves the opportunity to learn something new or to gain a new perspective on facts that we already know.
Kay Lindahl encourages us to give ourselves and others The Gift of Deep Listening: “The way we listen can actually allow the other person to bring forth what is true and alive to them. Sometimes we have to do a lot of listening before the fountain is replenished. . . . Patience is required to listen to such a person long enough for them to get to their center point of tranquility and peace. The results of such listening are extraordinary. Some would call them miracles . . . Listening well takes time, skill, and a readiness to slow down, to let go of expectations, judgments, boredom, self-assertiveness, defensiveness. I’ve noticed that when people experience the depth of being listened to like this, they also begin to listen to others in the same way.”
May we all give ourselves and others the gift of pausing and being fully present to each other as we listen, setting aside our own need to be heard for a few moments, and trusting that God will also be looking for a way to speak truths to us as we listen intently to others.
Peace, Pastor Layne